Death, death, die, kill, death, die....

I believe the saying is “have your life flash before your eyes”. I've almost died three times. Never once have I seen my uneventful life flash before my eyes.

My near-death experiences haven't been sudden. I've always seen (felt?) them coming.

The first time I almost died, I tried to stave it off for as long as possible. Apparently one of the symptoms of anaphylaxic shock is a feeling of impending doom. And that's a phrase you'll find in any medical book. All I felt was complete clarity and understanding of the situation I was in. There was no uncertainty. No panic. No feeling of impending doom. I asked my mom for my allergy medicine, more afraid of what she would do than what was happening to me. (What was happening to me, for those who don't want to Wikipedia it, was my body perceiving a protein as a threat and, in a misguided attempt to protect me, began to swell my throat closed).

The second time I was even more calm. I had my injection handy and I used it without hesitation. My only mistake was moving around the (large) needle in my leg and getting blood on my jeans. Not that it bothered me. Still no sense of doom, impending or otherwise.

The third time is barely worth mentioning. The only difference from the second time was that I didn't move the needle, and I could walk afterward.

The third time taught me that the only thing that happens when you almost die is you briefly remembering the same few regrets. In any sort of fan fiction, this would result in me resolving said conflicts the very next day. Of course, my life resembles no sort of fan fiction. So, it's always the same three major regrets: I'm sorry I never reconciled my relationship with Max. I'm sorry I didn't get to talk to my parents one last time. I'm sorry I didn't get to see the world. I should also mention that these things usually run through my head while I'm in the hospital after all the excitement is over with.

Finally, from all this near-death-ness, I've learned a lot about my fight or flight reflex. It results in fight.


Sudden rush of productivity, GO!